Holy Shit, Batfleck Is Amazing And Scary

The Batman as written in Batman V. Superman continues the tradition started by Tim Burton, interrupted by Joel Schumacher, and restarted by Christopher Nolan of giving the world fantastic characterizations of one of comic's most iconic superheroes.

That this characterization comes packaged with the most unfaithful version of Superman ever written is almost funny. But oh how it underscores just how complete and wonderful this Batman is. This Batman is the hot girl who walks into the bar with her homely Kryptonian friend so she shines even more.

Writing the character well is only half the job, of course. We have a clearly determined and capable Ben Affleck to thank for bringing this character to life. I've read a review or two that wasn't impressed by Affleck. These are obviously in the vanishingly small minority. Obviously because it's a rare bird who wouldn't be impressed with this performance. I'm not afraid to say it. I have never been so scared of Batman in my life. I had never before seen a rich-as-god Bruce Wayne that I could believe would dress up like a human bat and risk his life to beat up violent criminals.

Yes, this Batman was actually believable. This Batman also remained true to his source material while managing to feel like something exciting and different. He perfectly blended the alt-future Batman of the Millerian Dark Knight with the current-present Batman who helps found the Justice League. And for the first time he actually did what we all thought Christian Bale's Batman did. He showed us why criminals are scared of him.

It's not just that he was willing to brutally kill his opponents. It's that he was willing to see to it that they didn't get off that easy. He would break their bones. He would impale them with whatever was handy. He would bind them, strip them, then brand his sigil into their skins as they screamed.

This Batman called to mind an actual bat monster, a vampire that was impossibly hard to kill. The first time we see him, he is clinging to the corner where the walls meet the ceiling, then he scuttles away unharmed by gunfire. What a brilliant move not to have a fistfight be our intro to the Batman this time! Instead he is a creeping monster from a horror movie, revealed suddenly by a sweeping flashlight. I have no doubt that if I were to find this thing waiting for me in the shadows, I'd shit my pants.

The thing is, even the best written badass is a joke if the actor doesn't sell it. As good as Christian Bale was, I don't think he could have sold this as completely. That's because while his Bruce Wayne had the traces of the preppy American Pyscho, what was needed here was a more focused rage and willingness to hurt people, something that flirted with psychopathy but didn't fuck it.

The movie, frankly, gave Batman all the best material. Part of that is because Batman is exactly the kind of hero that DC seems to want to keep portraying, and they obviously keep trying to make the sunny Superman more like the Dark Knight with all his tortured baggage. But the other part of this is pitch perfect Ben Affleck. In my weaker moments, I let myself imagine that there is a version of Earth in which Chris Reeve, Margot Kidder and Heath Ledger make a Batman/Superman movie with him.

You've surely seen the "Sad Ben" clip on YouTube. I wish I could meet Ben Affleck, have a drink with him. Talk with him about "Batman V. Superman." Then I would hug him and quote one of his earliest and best films. "It's not your fault...It's not your fault."