Having BPD is like being an emotional werewolf with bridge-specific pyromania.

It Was Bullying-Induced Body Dysmorphia All Along

I had a bit of a mutli-year breakdown followed by a few months of breaking through. I have come to realize that my decades-long obsession with lifting and hitting certain numbers were both symptoms of a very fractured psyche.

I am an ectomorphic introvert who skipped two grades early on in my academic career. I was (and maybe still am) the dream of bullies everywhere.

Middle-aging has forced me to relinquish my obsession (which had me turning to increasingly dangerous protocols to stave off the deleteriuos effects of aging on my ability to build and maintain muscle mass). I have freed up a lot of mental energy and learning time. It's as if my true, wiser, brainier self emerged from the husk of the bulked-up emotional monster I had become.